The forgotten dance of the fingers

Now I know why I wrote so bad last month, I mean, since early May to early June, my writing did not develop, almost thouroughly, thouroughly under developed. It was because I did not write passionate enough. And I did not write much enough. Now I tell you what I have done too much: reading, searching, browsing, diving into literature, attempting too much to absorb them in my poor braincells and slowly....it went nowhere. My skill has not developed at all. I felt estranged from writing activity. I have been so numbed, my fingers do not understand how to dance anymore with words. How to craft words into piece of writing. How to feel the flow of my writing, from my brain, through my hands, through my fingers, to the screen and papers. It's just too long. Until last Wednesday when I was reminded by my supervisor to keep writing, to jot down ideas, to jot down thoughts, even any small thoughts of anything into writing, so that I would not forget them, can keep track them later, and learn from them.

When the lecture in Advanced QM class showed his field notes, in which he jotted down everything, from the situation at the room where he interviewed his informant, to comments from people in the room, to any single details he saw, stroke a chord to me. I should have done those. I haven't really done that before because I believe in my memory. That my brain can hold some facts and keep them for me when I want to retrieve them. Everytime. But it doesn't work that way. Brain can take so much information within few days, or even hours. I read that somewhere.

Now I realise that I talked more than I wrote last month. I talked and met people and talked. But talked my thoughts out didn't do much for my writing. It doesn't improve my skills. What I should do is write write write. 

Here are some tips from my supervisor that I should do next:

- Nice phrases and idioms (collect from articles etc!)

- Find help from others (he talked about his brother, his hiring trainer etc.)

- Using all aids when needs be: cards, books, notes 

-----> I hated it when he said not to use Balkanisation and cash-cows :-p

But the word that really really stroke a chord to me is when the lecture said: "dance", D A N C E when your fingers dance to write. That moment, was the moment of truth for me. The moment that kept me up and awake and stayed late until 1 a.m to dance, dance with my ideas, and let my fingers dance with keyboards, let my ideas flowing and dancing on the screen, to cut, paste, edit, cut here and there, decorate a bit, trashed some to bins... a work, really a nice work. Dance. Passionately. I reinvent my passion. I return my old flame. I should dance. I should let my fingers dance. I should dance passionately. Then I realised, the whole last month, I acted like a zombie, or some forced marriage bride. I didn't engulf myself with the passion. Or I danced but was at pressure. They didn't flow together. I doesn't work that way Ria, it doesn't work that way.