The old man is gone

For all doors that are closed for us, see it from different mindset. There might be other door opens on other time, other space. I keep wondering why God seems to always use whoever gives sermon in this church, every Sunday that I have a problem, the right, striking a chord type of sermon that seems unbelievably like God Himself is talking to me. I guess, what they say as a 'living Words', or 'living Scripture' does exist. I feel it powerful, like God uses the preacher to reach out to me, to encourage me of whatever difficulty and dilemma that I am facing at exactly the same day. Today, the theme is 'The old man is gone'. I felt suffocated to read the title on the powerpoint slide. I repeated it in my heart word by word: the. old. man. is. gone. And yes, yesterday, the -man is gone. After came and introduced himself few days earlier, he's gone. Like, ghosting, after did that one call. Ah-ma-zing. 

Since last night, I struggled with my self confidence. How come, after one call, someone decided that, no, she's not good? This hurts me so much. I feel like stupid, and think I lose some confidence. And maybe, these people, are simply consumed by their own perception. But should I the one who feels bad about it? No, it's them who should feel bad about themselves. I live, I will remain. Ephesian 4: 18-24. This passage is read today and makes me think maybe, just maybe, I am not from this world, I am not for mutual exclusive kind of relationship. I am not built for that. I am not wired for that thing. I keep trying, they say, but keep failing. Just because I am honest, nobody likes me. Is it then, my problem, or theirs? If my personality is not compatible with these people, why should I bother? I can't change who I am to be what they like. I just can't. I find it hard to explain myself. And my life. And my way of life. And my faith. And, the way I live. If one feels they are iritated by myself, then they are not worth it. I think, it's my ego that was hurt. Yes, battle symphony.

You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; ²³ to be made new in the attitude of your minds; ²⁴ and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.