"Watercolours In The Rain"

Again, a Roxette's song. But the lyrics, perhaps, is relevant to me this time. 
That all this time, I have been running, all my life. All my life. All my life.....

"Watercolours In The Rain"

Going through the motions

Ending up Nowhere at all

Can't see the sun on my wall

Going through emotions

Ending up On a frozen morning

With a heart not even broken

Seems I've been running

All my life

All my life

Seems I've been running

All my life

All my life

All my life

Like watercolours in the rain

Find a place to settle down

Get a job In a city nearby

And watch the trains Roll on by

I'll find the falling star

I'll fall In love

With the eyes of a dreamer

And a dream worth believing

Seems I've been running

All my life

All my life

Seems I've been running

All my life

All my life

All my life

Like water colours in the rain

  

*Picture taken from Jerry-Stitt Watercolor-online: http://www.watercolor-online.com/WatercolorWest/Exhibitions/38th/images/jerry-stitt.jpg

You're so far away

It's been more than 10 years, or even 15, the last time I heard this song. This is a Roxette's song that was not as popular as 'It must have been love' or 'Listen to your heart' for instance. But, I loved the song, as much as I loved 'Anyone' or 'The rain' or 'Fading like a flower' or 'I wish I could fly' or 'Things would never be the same'. I have no particular impression or emotion or memories pertaining to the song's lyrics, but I just loved it for it's so easy listening. And most of Roxette's songs I love because they always tell the story of the cold Scandinavian country: gloomy, dark, cold. Because I knew Roxette's songs that I found out the statement 'suicidal rate of Scandinavians are high because of the weather'. The truth is, I don't know whether it's true or not (I have a Scandinavian friend telling me that it's a hoax, predictably). But I heard/read more often about their welfare system. Of their liberal ways of life. Of their successful development and system. Recently (last year wasn't it?), about the killing of an ultra right wing gunman in a youth labor party's camp in Sweden. By the way, following is the lyrics. Enjoy!

"So Far Away" (Roxette)

In the coldest time of year, Darkness all around my heart. I was alone but didn't fear To wander in the light of stars.
In the bright and silent night, Winds would knock and disappear. Still I felt the feeling near, Like the first time you were ever here. You're so far away, So far away, You left me, You told me you would stay. You never said goodbye
And I'll keep asking why, I keep on asking how, Oh come unto me now. I have breathed the morning air,
I have heard the four winds blow. I was weary but prepared to follow Down this lonely road. In the room where lovers sleep, Winds would knock and disappear. Still I felt the music near, Like the first time we were ever here.
You're so far away, So far away, You left me, You told me you would stay. You never said goodbye And I keep wondering why, I keep on wondering how, Oh come inside me now.

A procrastinate morning with Coldplay

This Saturday morning I woke up at 9am, simply because I felt my stomach kicked. Yes, hungry. If not, I probably kept sleeping until 10am or so. The setting was perfect outside. Gloomy. Cool air. Quiet.

With a strong motivation to work on my proposal and module this weekend, I found it difficult, still, to drag my body to wash and brush my teeth. Uh oh..working working, ganbatte! Til I found out that I've got a bag full of dirty clothes that should have been sent to laundry last Thursday (I put them on a bag already, not in the basket anymore). It stood close to my door, so close it was hard to avoid seeing it every time I go to bathroom.

Sun rays emerged from the transparent corrugated roof in front of my room. And just like a heavenly light, the light pointed out at everything I did not really notice before. How dusty my shoes rack was. Then I opened the door and realized that the room was also in need of some serious cleaning. I meant, look, the Christmas tree's still there, books were everywhere, cosmetics were scattered.How come I work in such a dirty, disorganized room? So after having my quick brekkie, I worked and cleaned all, like a mad man. Sweeping, mopping, dusting, brushing, spraying room air deodorizer with flowery scent (not my type of scent indeed, but I was gonna trying new thing when I purchased it). 


After all this hard 'work', I tried to strengthen my poor back and legs by laying down a bit in the clean room. I saw the latest edition of The Economist that I brought the other day and read it. The sun submerged in the clouds, I think, cause it started to gloom once more. Hmm..hmmh..what a nice weekend. Good sleep, good reading, good loud music (I played Coldplay's latest songs - Every tear is a waterfall, Charlie Brown, Mylo Xyloto etc), in short, a good laid back and doing nothing weekend. Probably would be good to write it on my blog.


Jumping up, unfinishing the Economist's article on China's economy. I started to type this blog. And guess what, it's almost 12 o'clock, noon time already. And I did not, have not, at all, touch the subject of the proposal and module I intended to do since yesterday. 


So I guess, this is what people describe as PROCRASTINATION. It is such a way to delay, postpone, any efforts one can do to avoid work and finish a task. Yep, that's exactly what I did this morning, procrastinate.


And Chris Martin's nice crisp voice is still loud, still as sexy as he always does, as long as I can recall from watching his Viva La Vida Concert back in Melbourne 3 years ago. 

Still I haven't started working on my tasks.. I dunno how to bring the work ethos back. I'll find it out later. I will. I promise.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KhKxtv1FiUM

The blink of a queen's eye: the story of blatant stupidity

This is one of the most foolish "news" I've ever read in history: Julia Perez admitted that she saw Nyai Roro Kidul's eye (on the painting) blinked to her when she entered the 308 (or something like that) room in a hotel I forgot the name (a famous hotel for having a specially dedicated room for the queen of southern ocean - the title of Nyai Roro Kidul, one of the most famous legend of Javanese - Mataram Javanese, especially those living in southern coastal areas). That was after this Julia did the rituals of showering with I don't know how many kinds of flowers and eating rose petals (or jasmine petals) like the late Suzanna, the legendary horror movie actress, did.

It is on Yahoo OMG id news. Wow. An insult to intellectuality indeed. This is 2012, and in Indonesia this is still considered a news. The TVs covered it. The gossips tabloids put it on headlines. The internet gossips pages too. I could not and would never been able to understand why she is even a news maker, and when will this country will move from its full of superstitions daily life which is fully exploited by the cheap news agencies? Somehow, I agreed with the communists: superstitions and fatalism are the pathogen of our society (sorry for improperly quoting).

I ceased to ask. I, perhaps should consider it news too, junk news, which place and end location is: inside the trash bin.

http://www.tribunnews.com/2012/01/28/julia-perez-shok-nyai-roro-kidul-kedipkan-mata

My dream was so cold

I woke up this morning, feeling a bit cold and sneezing and have blocked nose, followed by runny nose. A terrible way to wake up. I guessed I used half roll of tissue this morning and my body was chilled.


Then I realized that I fell asleep last night with the outfits I wore the whole day yesterday. Did not put any blanket, did not change any clothes, just fell asleep with the TV's on. A bad way to sleep, no?

Then I remember something. My dream last night. It was weird. I saw myself standing in the street of a city. It looked like European cities. The skies were grey as usual (all my dreams have grey skies), but last night's was even darker. It was like night time, but pretty well lit. Twilight actually. Kinda indigo color. There were some people too on that street. Their faces, again, as usual, were cold and pale. They looked like Caucasians. Some of them, were old, have wrinkles on their faces. And then (I was almost sure that I heard vaguely, sound of music, like soft clink of piano, very soft on the background), the soft frosty pieces of snow fell...very slow...and touched the soil and formed white mounds slowly. I saw them with awe. "Snow! Snow?", I whispered, half surprised, half nervous. Why snow in this place? I thought. It was an absurd question actually, since I did not even know where it was, and why I was there with all the strangers. Actually, it looked like the people were not real. I felt like I was watching or reading them. They seemed to be from different reality. I have odd, mixed feelings about me being there. About the sensation I have when I touched and grasped the snow in my palms. When I crunched the snow and felt the cold. "Is it climate change? Or is it a dream?" I asked.

Right after that, I sneezed.

Then I found out that it was the latter. Because I started to feel that my blouse was too tight. Then I saw the folded sleeves. My memory's back. This was the blouse I wore to the office today. And I looked down, the A line blue jeans skirt's there. I was still wearing it. My eyes were quite sore and dry. My nose was in trouble. I got up and started to get prepared to go to work.

Now, when I type this post, that I got the awareness: that the snowy dream was merely a result of me reading the news in Kompas about bad winter that hits Eastern Europe, and caused homeless people and old people died. I recall the picture that shows people slept under a bridge in one of the Eastern Europe countries I could not recall, when the mercury plunged down to minus 23 Celcius. I can recall the streetlights in the picture.

They were the people in my dream. The city was the city in my dream. The snow, was the snow on my dream. That news reflected in my under conscience.

So now I know why my dream was so cold.

PS: I took this pic from Google of course. Not sure if this represents the story of my dream, since it looks a bit like rural than urban setting. But who knows, it could be a city park. I will never know.


 

The melancholic titles

I just realized when scrolling the mouse to the scroll bar on the right hand side of the blog page: most titles of my blog posts are quite depressive. death, mortal, insanity, depression and sort of gothic, dark themes :). Well well, it's just me, I like to reflect the bad sides of life as much as the funny side of it. That's what makes this life interesting, not boring! A perfect mix of flavors, don't you agree?

PS: I used to analyse my personality type -I forgot Francis something is the writer of those kind of books (very popular during my college-time, seemed like everyone at least have read one of them those days). I used to have some significant score for M, or Melancholy. Maybe, that's the cause these melancholic titles emerged.

2.30 in the morning

..and I still can't sleep. this is a sleeping disorder. don't know why, i guess i m just overwhelmed with the tasks and wanted to avoid them by writing and waking up late like this. it's pretty cold outside, the wind flows to my room and chills me. i suppose this is like 25 or 26 degrees. well, nice temperature actually. perfect to sleep. yes, to sleep, not to blog!!!! huh!