Curiosity over an indefinite probabilities

What if the history was different? What if life turned up the other way around than the way it has been turned around as we knew?

What if the common knowledge is just one of another ten or hundred possibilities? What if our reality is just one of them?

This evening I listen to several piano pieces from a person I knew from a long long time ago. The person put the pieces on youtube channel. All the person's clips of nature's sights (made with Windows Mediamaker) combined with the piano pieces. They are damn beautiful. This person once in my life, made me a bit obssessed about taking scenic pictures and playing piano.

I recognized some pictures the person once sent me long long time ago. I even recognized some pieces I was also sent some long long time ago. That's a bit hurt. I'd like to put the link here, but I'm afraid that violates copyrights law. I'd rather keeping them in my mind. Let the sound of that piano stays in my mind. It's just another encounter, which became a history now.

If reality does have other alternatives, I would be glad to know in what ways that alternative would have been ended to? I've been so curious about it. The Super Immanent Planner up there must have the reason not to choose that alternative as my alternative. Did He just play a dice over a zillion of possible alternatives ? He must have a better reason for choosing a particular alternative for particular person to experience. His selection, His choice, might have been hurt to those who experience it 'realtime' (the word 'realtime' might have lost its meaning if we take our reality as just one of realities). Nevertheless, as a human who can only experience a three-dimensional world, I'd rather give it up to Him who owns ad experiences multiple dimensions of realities, universe to be exact. Hurt in my perspective, could probably mean a lesson in the Almighty's perspective. I believe...credo in Deum..

One Sunday evening in ERC...

Gelap turun

Daun-daun kuning musim gugur berserakan di atas jalan setapak depan cafe kecil di pojok jalan setapak dan Professor's Court, tempat saya biasanya membeli muffin blueberry atau apel cinammon kegemaran saya. Beberapa mahasiswa nampak kedinginan, berpakaian tertutup dari kaki sampai kepala. Banyak yang memakai coat panjang, namun masih ada pula yang nekat memakai hanya jaket tipis dan rok tanpa stocking. Terburu-buru mereka melangkah, karena hari makin gelap dan angin dingin bercampur gerimis nampak mulai turun membasahi tanah. Dari atas jendela perpustakaan ini saya menyaksikan pemandangan suram tersebut. Dingin. Angin. Hujan. Klasik untuk sebuah musim gugur di belahan bumi Utara dan Selatan. Mengingatkan saya akan London, beberapa tahun yang lalu. Hujan sepanjang hari. Dingin menggigit, gelap mendung, burung gagak terbang mengepakkan sayap hitamnya dan berteriak-teriak. Di mana suara manusia? Mereka sibuk. Semua orang di kota terburu-buru ingin mencapai tujuannya, di manapun itu, yang jelas, yang berpemanas ruangan. Sebentar lagi musim dingin tiba. Tak lama lagi, hari akan berakhir sangat dini, pada pukul lima.

Lampu-lampu mulai menyala di bawah sana. Burung-burung mulai berkepakan menuju pohon-pohon terdekat untuk tidur dan menunggu terang datang lagi. Manusia? Mulai bekerja lagi di bawah cahaya lampu terang benderang. Dari ruangan atas ini misalnya. Saya memandang lagi ke bawah. Tidak ada lagi yang bisa dilihat. Semua gelap. Hanya jendela-jendela di Old Arts yang nampak seperti kotak-kotak cahaya, tertutup rapat dan menyala. Pertanda kehidupan. Paling tidak.

From the window pane

From height again, elevation again.
This time it's from Giblin 2nd floor.
I can see the nice sights down there.
I took the picture with my mobile phone camera,
right when the sun appeared slightly
and the leaves radiate their yellowish shine
they're the last of this season
before chilly winter forces them to get off the trees
and now the sun disappear again
for 5 minutes and then shines again
oh weather oh weather
oh Melbourne famous weather
here i am with the blank screen
the cursor blinks
type nothing over an hour
all I got is this blog post
and these beautiful 2MP poor quality pictures
....the hours were spent just like that..
people walked down the Professor's walk
when do I walk and not to think about these chapters again?
soon, my mind says, soon..
these days will be over
soon, my mind says, soon...

An apple a day keeps the doctor away..two?

I like apples. There have been some times when I didn't like it, but in the place where a huge variety of apples can be found in the market like here, I always find my way to find the right ones.

When I came here, I liked Granny Smith, the type that I loved to eat back in Indonesia (which, I hate to say, are imported). That's two or three years ago, but before that, I like Malang apple (thanks God I spent that many years to study in Malang, the most prominent apple producer in country!). I think it's called Rome Beauty? I love that and the green one too, is the name Malang Apple?

After only buying Granny Smith for years, I diverted to Pink Lady last year, er, no, one and a half year ago if I'm not mistaken. Until one day, I felt that it was too sour to eat during winter, when I often found my stomach too gassy and upset. So accidentally, one day, I grabbed Pink Lady (I've never liked the Red Delicious one, they are too red for me, and because they're always called Washington Apple back in Indonesia, I just don't like it, I think they're too sweet as fruits -the principle of fruit for me is that they're not just sweet -they're suppose to be a bit sour taste to make them fresh. But let's just say it's an anti-American sentiment, -though, inconsistently I like to buy Granny Smith that are imported America, and American cherry because they sell them here in Australia when it's winter and it's not possible to find fresh ones). I then fell for Pink Lady. They became the only type of apple that I looked for when I did my grocery shopping.

Until just recently, few months ago, I, in one occasion, found Fuji Apple interesting and have a perfect blend of sweet and sour. They're not as pretty as Pink Lady (which the name already implied), but the taste is nice. Another sentiment I suppose, because on that occassion, I experienced "memetik" the apple from the very three by myself, it was an above average big apple (not NY:p) in the backyard of a friend's house. The taste was soooo goood and so crunchy. I ended up eating just small amount of food during the dinner that night 'cause I ate the whole apple in the afternoon.

Today I ate two apples and one orange. I guess I will keep two or three doctors away from me...or possibly I will keep a doctor away two or three times ...errr..is that gramatically correct?

PS: Even my current mobile phone wall is the picture of a Fuji apple that I took just minutes before it ended up in my mouth.

Gloomy day

cloudy and rainy all day. i saw the sun just 5 minutes or so at noon, that was all for today. one of the few worst day in melbourne. only minus the wind. such a perfect day to spent at home, laid back, doing perfectly nothing but reading and watching movies and listening to nice music. but they dont happen, just dont happen, i regret. just writing assignment..uh.. i've been missing the autumn because of these stuff..just listening to Yiruma, a friend posted it @FB. such a nice piece i must say..bringing your imagination anywhere but here. anytime but now. anything but these stuff on government's related affair, at this point of life. and the rain is falling again, worse than before...let's hope it will stop somehow tonight, so tomorrow's 6 degrees forecast wouldn't come to pass, at least so that it wouldn't bite the skin more that it should be.

Life stops at 5

The sun sets at 5.00 pm today. Just noticed through the wide window glass, again, at Spot. This is the second day of winter, officially. The idea that life stops at 5 is horrifying me. That's the time when life starts back then, when the offices close. Cold, dark, quiet, -I think it is quite conducive for two things: reflection, creativity (you can go nowhere, s stay and compose a music piece or write something) or frustration/loneliness that can leads to suicidal act (is it true that the suicidal rate is higher in Scandinavian countries?). The cold, dark, quiet stuff just don't match my idea about 'life', I mean, like, 'real life'. Some people find life in casinos, or pubs, or clubs, or discos or those sort of 'night life' spots. I have never thought of those places as real life though. Restaurants and cafes perhaps, but not the formers. Yes, the music is loud, people chat, -yell each other I can say, since they have to compete with the music, -sound like life, but no they're not. If you want some (loud) music, go to a concert, or install your own home theatre. People hardly talk there. If you want to chat, go to a cafe, people can talk there. Feels like screaming? Yes, karaoke could be the answer, one can scream without being investigated for having a mental health problem. Want to dance? Yeah, that's another question. I don't dance, not a single move. So we can skip this question, can't we? (this is the trick I learned from my ex boss, an I***** who always said that whenever he was put on the corner). Want to gamble? Never have enough money to waste on gambling. Bored? Boredom is a luxurious good. Never have such luxury to feel bored. Bored meaning one has TOO MUCH time, and that's a rare occassion for me. Always have a way too many things to do and explore in this world that I wish I can do if I have enough time. I think it's John Rowle's old song that has those words, here I just Googled them:

So much to do
If I only had time
If I only had time
Dreams to pursue
If I only had time
They'd be mine

Time like the wind
Those are hurrying by
And the hours just fly
Where to begin
There are mountains I'd climb
If I only had time...

Time..time..time..deadline..deadline..deadline..schedule..schedule..schedule..they're ticking out..

Wondering why I decided to write this at the first instance..a distraction, I created my own distraction..not a good idea... I'd better end it here..

A night on the Spot and the end of a career

It's 7.25 pm now. I can see the city almost 180 degrees wide from the 6th floor of the Spot, the Economics and Commerce's sophisticated, eco-friendly building which was just officially opened early this year. The lights from buidings and cars down in Royal Parade and Elizabeth St. look nice from up here. Some houses' lights are dimmed in far west. One that is quite obvious is the new Women's Hospital right 20 degrees from my point of view. It's a bird-eye perspective view, -one of the few lesson I can hardly recall from my architectural background. The traffic is quite fast in Grattan St seing from my right side of window glass, which is 2/3 opened now. I always like elevation since I was small. I don't know why. I tended to like to climb tree or wall, or roof sometimes when necessary. Mango trees, accacia trees, tamarind, banyan, -even papaya or coconut, just mention it. I always think, that by elevating myself from reality, I can sense the relativity of my realities and others. I can guess, create stories, and indulge my mind with some freedom of imagination.

I can clearly recall the moment when I sat at the branches of -I don't know the tree's name, -in the right corner of my front yard. I sat there for quite long, observing people on the street. A man passed by the street, he looked like walking without expression. I created the story about him in my own mind. Maybe he has no money, maybe his family and children are waiting for him to come with no results. Maybe he is thinking about what to say..etc. Minutes later, other people walked by the street. Some students, some young mothers with their children. My story developed an developed, until I've had enough, climbed down and looked for some food or water in the fridge or food shelves. It's not the sneaking part that I liked, it's the 'flying' part I guess. I like to imagine myself being down there, and somebody watches over me from an elevation, and wondering how small I must be in the other's view. I can imagine if even myself can look that small, my problem must be even smaller..

This 'amateur climbing career' if you like, ended quite unsuccesfully in Surabaya, unfortunately, when I was on the first grade in colleague. I and my room mate were so tempted by the look of our landlord's sweet red jambu air hanging, moving slowly when the wind flowed(yes, we felt like Eve who were tempted by the forbidden fruit in Eden), so we decided to climb the tree, quite acrobatic, through the house's asbestos roof, jumped on the branches, and only God knew how we managed to get through the top. The last images I've had in my mind was that both of us fell through the asbestos roof in one of the kost room in the ground floow, just beside the bed of one male anak kost, we were lucky enough though, that there was no sign of his presence in that room. Once the consciousness returned, we ran to our room in the 1st floor and kept silent until we heard the thunder voice of the bapak kost from the main house looking for the "perpetrators". I totally forgot how the story ended. I could not recall we confessed, I think we did though. There's no way that he would let us free just like that. He's stingy and very calculated in everything he's done, that's what I remember.

Nowadays I learned to choose more secure ways to enjoy elevation. Such as this time. in the tall building, or in the airplane. During take off of the plane (one of my favorite moment in the plane is the take off, before the sight right down the plane gets boring because the plane's elevation is too high). Moreover, I think the society considers it's quite abnormal for a woman in her thirties to climb trees at home anymore. I might not give a damn care, but to comply with one of my principle of life: avoid the avoidable problems and questions, I'd chose not to continue the 'career' anymore. And there, down there now, there are fewer cars in the street. They're going so very slow. The night is young I know, but the clock is ticking. These papers and chapters must be finished..

I choose to end my posting here tonight. For the sake of..I don't know. Efficiency? Sanity? Diploma? Grades? Certificate? Ah yes, a ticket back to equator, a land not far away from here.